When boiled, the concoction is used to bathe swellings and also relieve pains
associated with rheumatism
Boiled (when green) – drink the “tea” for easy delivery at childbirth
Increases the flow of mother’s milk
Assists in promoting the delivery of the “afterbirth”
Taken twice daily to “clean out” after giving birth
When green, can be put in shoes to lower blood pressure
When crushed, apply to hemorrhoids
When tied around the neck, it relieves sprained neck
VITAMIN E OIL

Apply twice a day for herpes to encourage the healing process
Avoid eating peanuts during this time since they work against the natural healing
in the body
CAYENNE PEPPER

Mix some cayenne pepper with aloe juice and rub over sore muscles or arthritic
joints
Also good for bee stings
ALOE VERA

Aids the healing of burns and sores
Can also be taken internally for stomach disorders
BAKING SODA

For acid stomach, make a drink of ½ teaspoon baking soda and a few drops
of lemon juice in ½ cup warm water
LEECHES

Many rheumatism specifics are found in Negro “leechcraft”
Leeches are used in many modern orthopedic facilities today to keep the
circulation in injured limbs and digits from gumming up during the healing process
BLACK DOG

Grease stewed from a black dog is a helpful cure for rheumatism, though some
say it should be put on in the dark of the moon to be most effective
RATTLESNAKE SKIN

A snake skin, especially the skin of a rattlesnake, dried and tied around the
wrist or leg is good for rheumatism
Worn around the waist, it will prolong life
The flexibility of the snake may have been the quality which first suggested its
use to cure stiffness
BUZZARD FEATHERS

For rheumatism, asthma, and “jerking fits” (epilepsy), two wing feathers of a
buzzard are effective if burned under the nose and the smoke inhaled
SILVER DIME

A coin, especially a (silver) dime, worn about the neck or ankle will surely stop
rheumatism
GARLIC

Used to regulate blood pressure and relieve cramps
Crush one clove of garlic in a glass of hot milk and drink quickly
EELSKIN

Tie the hair up with eelskin to make it grow
Wear it around the head to cure headache
If worn about the wrist, it will relieve pain there
Rubbing the part of an aching back with an eelskin is an effective relief
WOODLICE

Sew “live woodlice” into a pouch and hang around baby’s neck to relieve pain and
fever associated with “teething”
When the woodlice die, the teeth come through
Currently used in the rural south
The “woodlouse” is the Porcellio scaber
Not to be confused with white ants or termites

Chicken-pox
Go into the chicken house and let the chickens fly over you, or simply push the
patient backward into the henhouse.

Chills and Fever
Cut a notch in a piece of wood for every chill you have had, blow on it, and throw
it into a running stream where you never expect to pass again. Go home without
looking back, and you will have no more chills.

Typhoid
Typhoid fever may be cured by taking a bath in steeped peach leaves, while a
young black chicken is split open and applied bloody and hot to the chest.

Backache
Let a child who has never seen his father or the seventh daughter of anyone walk
across your back.

Toothache
Pick an aching tooth with a splinter (from the north side of a pine tree that has been
struck by lightning) and throw the sliver into running water.

Hiccoughs
May be cured by holding your breath and taking nine swallows of water. Nine grains
of pepper for nine mornings or nine shots held in the mouth are equally effective.

Sore Throat
Tie the sock that you have worn all day around your throat with the sole of the sock
turned towards your skin. Some believe that salt or warm ashes should be put into the
stocking and some insist upon using a dark stocking.

Earache
Take the head off a wood beetle and drop the one drop of blood that comes out into the aching ear. For similar results, get some hair from a young girl and place it in your ear.

Said the Representative Skeleton
I object
Said the Supreme Court skeleton
Whaddya expect

Said the Miltary skeleton
Buy Star Bombs
Said the Upperclass Skeleton
Starve unmarried moms

Said the Yahoo Skeleton
Stop dirty art
Said the Right Wing skeleton
Forget about yr heart

Said the Gnostic Skeleton
The Human Form’s divine
Said the Moral Majority skeleton
No it’s not it’s mine

Said the Buddha Skeleton
Compassion is wealth
Said the Corporate skeleton
It’s bad for your health

Said the Old Christ skeleton
Care for the Poor
Said the Son of God skeleton
AIDS needs cure

Said the Homophobe skeleton
Gay folk suck
Said the Heritage Policy skeleton
Blacks’re outa luck

Said the Macho skeleton
Women in their place
Said the Fundamentalist skeleton
Increase human race

Said the Right-to-Life skeleton
Foetus has a soul
Said Pro Choice skeleton
Shove it up your hole

Said the Downsized skeleton
Robots got my job
Said the Tough-on-Crime skeleton
Tear gas the mob

Said the Governor skeleton
Cut school lunch
Said the Mayor skeleton
Eat the budget crunch

Said the Neo Conservative skeleton
Homeless off the street!
Said the Free Market skeleton
Use ‘em up for meat

Said the Think Tank skeleton
Free Market’s the way
Said the Saving & Loan skeleton
Make the State pay

Said the Chrysler skeleton
Pay for you & me
Said the Nuke Power skeleton
& me & me & me

Said the Ecologic skeleton
Keep Skies blue
Said the Multinational skeleton
What’s it worth to you?

Said the NAFTA skeleton
Get rich, Free Trade,
Said the Maquiladora skeleton
Sweat shops, low paid

Said the rich GATT skeleton
One world, high tech
Said the Underclass skeleton
Get it in the neck

Said the World Bank skeleton
Cut down your trees
Said the I.M.F. skeleton
Buy American cheese

Said the Underdeveloped skeleton
We want rice
Said Developed Nations’ skeleton
Sell your bones for dice

Said the Ayatollah skeleton
Die writer die
Said Joe Stalin’s skeleton
That’s no lie

Said the Middle Kingdom skeleton
We swallowed Tibet
Said the Dalai Lama skeleton
Indigestion’s whatcha get

Said the World Chorus skeleton
That’s their fate
Said the U.S.A. skeleton
Gotta save Kuwait

Said the Petrochemical skeleton
Roar Bombers roar!
Said the Psychedelic skeleton
Smoke a dinosaur

Said Nancy’s skeleton
Just say No
Said the Rasta skeleton
Blow Nancy Blow

Said Demagogue skeleton
Don’t smoke Pot
Said Alcoholic skeleton
Let your liver rot

Said the Junkie skeleton
Can’t we get a fix?
Said the Big Brother skeleton
Jail the dirty pricks

Said the Mirror skeleton
Hey good looking
Said the Electric Chair skeleton
Hey what’s cooking?

Said the Talkshow skeleton
Fuck you in the face
Said the Family Values skeleton
My family values mace

Said the NY Times skeleton
That’s not fit to print
Said the CIA skeleton
Cantcha take a hint?

Said the Network skeleton
Believe my lies
Said the Advertising skeleton
Don’t get wise!

Said the Media skeleton
Believe you me
Said the Couch-potato skeleton
What me worry?

Said the TV skeleton
Eat sound bites
Said the Newscast skeleton
That’s all Goodnight

2-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he’s gay, but because he has run out of women.

3-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

5- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

6- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

7- Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

8- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

9- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

10- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

11- Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

12- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

13- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

14- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

15- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

16- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

17- To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

18- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

19- Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to “Fucking.”

20- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

20- Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

21- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

22- Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

23- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

24- The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

25- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

26- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

27- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying “booya”.

28- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

29- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

This isnt about marijuana though, my father is retired from the military and is an alcoholic and smokes more weed than me. The way he talks to me, i feel like its so condescending and not like a father to son talk, but more like a boring teacher to student. I feel like he’s rambling on and on, like hes drunk all the time. Like he’ll go for like an hour and im forced to listen to him repeat himself, because he thinks i dont listen.

I feel like everything changed between me and him when my mom let me stop taking ritalin in the 9th grade, and i stopped playing basketball. He ALWAYS made basketball a big part of my life, coaching me on little league teams and all that, but i felt like he just wanted me to play college ball for his personal gain, so he could brag about me. I was more interested in computer stuff and playing games, and when i did play ball, i always felt a whole lot of pressure, not really having fun with it. When i stopped playing, i felt like his attitude changed towards me and that he was ashamed, that i REALLY let him down.

Like, hes letting me live here, not for free really, but food water and electric is not a bad trade off when i do get paid with financial aid i cut him and my mom a big piece. They COULD kick me out and i’d be on the street at anytime.

I really dont know what to do anymore, besides move out. I am going to a community college, but im struggling to find a good job and reliable roomates so im stuck at the home. My parents are always arguing, added with the extra responsibility of an autistic older brother, whom i love with every part of my heart, but it still leads to a bit of stress.

To this day, i feel like i cant go to him for advice because most of the time when i have, it was wrong, i could never ask him for help in school, with the girls, or anything. I really just want him to put down the bottle for good, because his older brother died from it, and his other brother is a terrible alcoholic. i feel if i move out, ill be even more distant from him than i am. i feel like crying right now thinking about it, i just want to have him as a father, but i cant do that emotionally right now. please help me.

I am also a smoker for 15 years.

I’m still smoking but am going to a smoking cessation program (Allen Carr) in a week’s time. Apparently its very good and my medical aid is sponsoring it. I’m determined to use this opportunity to stop.